By L. Layla Gray, LPC
On February 11, 2018, my brother Steve passed away by suicide. He was working as a civilian employed by the Navy and held a high security clearance level. He struggled with anxiety for years, but this condition worsened over time. After experiencing a cardiac event that required medical intervention, his anxiety increased, and he began to withdraw from many aspects of life. This withdrawal in turn brought on depression that grew until he could take it no more and identified death as his only escape from the emotional pain.
Steve was loosely engaged with mental health providers in our community before his death. As a mental health provider, I could see Steve needed professional support and frequently encouraged him to connect with it. I worked hard to normalize the experience of engaging professional support. For a long time, the response was the same…. he could not because he could not let these personal struggles become known for fear that people would see him differently and for fear that he would lose his high security clearance resulting in termination of employment. At his memorial service, I shared Steve’s concerns with the commander of the shipyard that employed my brother. I was assured that this would not have occurred and that the shipyard has a process in place to provide psychiatric support to their employees.
““Every day I think of how differently things could be if the fear of being viewed as ‘crazy’ was not a barrier to Steve obtaining the support he needed.””
After Steve passed, I learned that when he finally did engage with professional mental health providers, he was not forthcoming with the severity of his symptoms and how they were impacting his ability to do the things he needed and wanted to do. In the weeks before he passed, I called his psychiatrist to share symptoms I had observed and my concern that he needed hospitalization but would not go for fear of being viewed as “crazy” and subsequently losing his job. Every day I think of how differently things could be if this fear of being viewed in this way were not present and were not a barrier to Steve obtaining the support he needed.
In my work as a clinical therapist, I regularly tell clients how brave they are for seeking support, participating in treatment, and sharing their personal thoughts and feelings. I fervently hope that we are moving toward a world where this expression of support is no longer needed because we come to view people as more than their conditions and begin to acknowledge aloud in our interactions with others that sometimes life is hard, and we all have emotional responses that are big, strong, and sometimes very uncomfortable. I fervently pray that we accept that some people have biologically-based conditions that impact their ability to regulate their thoughts and emotions or to have a reality similar to others. I fervently believe that we are moving toward a world that understands, accepts, and values these differences rather than minimizes, ignores, or shames them.
If you hold similar wishes, there are a few things you can do to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness.
Recognize that people are more than their illness. A person’s mental illness is one part of who they are. Instead of saying “she’s Bipolar” or “he’s depressed,” say “she has Bipolar/he has depression.”
We fear what we do not understand. Seek out education on mental illness and treatment available. There are many wonderful resources available to provide this information like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (www.nami.org).
If you see changes in someone’s mood or behavior, check in with them. Something as simple as a genuine hello can go a long way to helping someone feel better.
Be mindful of the language you use to describe emotions, emotional responses, and mental illness. Words are powerful and can be either hurtful or empowering.
If you have been diagnosed with a mental illness, or struggle at times with feelings of sadness and anxiety, share them with those in your circle…make a conscious decision not to hide them behind a mask of “I’m good.” If they are not supportive, keep sharing until you find the right support. Remember that it is not your fault, you are not weak, you have an illness. There is treatment. There is hope.
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If you are struggling and feel you might need help, please reach out to us. We offer unconditional support in a safe, non-judgmental environment. We’re ready to listen when you’re ready to talk.